Dream lover

There was a young man who saw a young lady by the river and began to have a liking for her. Call it love at first sight, he started thinking of her when having his meals and even dream of her when he’s sleeping.

The dream was so sweet. He dreamt of being together with the girl happily.When he woke up, he felt so happy and he rushed out to the river side and said to the girl: “It was so sweet when we met in dream…” The girl replied: “Dream, what dream?”

The young man was astonished and went back home immediately crying out infront of his grandparents and said: “ I dreamt of her but she didn’t dream of me!”

Bitter vegetables

One day a refined man walked passed a vegetable farm and saw the farmer applying some substances on the vegetables. Out of curiosity, he asked the farmer: “ What are you applying on the vegetables?” The farmer replied: “ Faeces.” “ Why do you use faeces?” The man asked again. The farmer replied: “ So that the vegetables won’t be be bitter.”

After some thought, the man said to the farmer: “ It’s unhygienic. Don’t do it again.” Some time later, the man went to the restaurant which is owned by the farmer. When he tasted the vegetables he ordered, he was extremely astonished by it.

He asked the farmer: “ Why are the vegetables so bitter?” The farmer replied: “ I didn’t apply faeces when I grew them. The man then said: “ Apply now.”

The robber who ran away without getting any money

One day, at the bank, all things were as usual. People doing some transactions, bank tellers providing their services and security guards ensuring safety. Suddenly, a robber dash in to a bank, took his gun out and shouted at the teller: “ Freeze! No one moves!”

“Bang!” He squeezed his trigger and then started running away as fast as he could. All were puzzled at the bank.

Why did the guy ran away without getting any money?
Answer: He was once a runner. So when he heard the “bang!”, he started running immediately.

The rat killer humour

A man at the market shouted: “ Special rat killer!” A passer by who was interested in it walked over and asked: “ How do you use it?” The man replied: “ Simple. Just rub a little on the mouth of the rat and it’ll die.”

A humour I read about small and big matters

One day a story-teller was telling a story to a group of people. When he mentioned that a prince known as Cao Cao led 730,000 soldiers to jiangnan during the Three Kingdoms Period, a fish monger came by put down his baskets of fish and said to him: “ Hey, you’re wrong! It was 830,000 soldiers.” Then they began to argue with one another.

After a while a passer by said to the fish monger: “Your fish will turn bad if you continue to argue.”

The fish monger turned back and replied: “ That’s a small matter. But when 100,000 soldiers went missing, that’s a big matter!”

Learning how to speak euphemistically.

One day, master wang and master zhang met up for dinner. Master Zhang is a chubby man and Master Wang is a thin man with long beard. While they were eating, Master Wang’s servant spotted two grains of rice on his master’s beard. So he said: “ There are two pearls on Master’s beard.” Master Wang replied: “ Hmmm, I know.” After the dinner, they bidded farewell to each other and Master Zhang said to his servant: “ You must learn to speak euphemistically like Master Wang’s servant. His servant nodded and replied yes to him.

At the next meeting, they decided to have noodles for dinner. Then, Master Zhang’s servant noticed a strip of noodle on his master’s mouth. Then he remembered what his master told him and gave a thought to putting it euphemistically. After a while, he said to his master: “ There’s a roundworm on master’s buttock.

The two masters at the dinner were shocked and Master Zhang’s servant started giggling.

The wealthy man who likes to appear learned

There is this wealthy man who always tell others that he read several books and write several articles everday. In actual fact, he is illiterate but likes to appear learned. One day, a servant came and passed him a note from his master. He immediately kept the note and said to him: “ No hurry.” Then the servant said: “ But my master said it is urgent.” The wealthy man then looked at the note and said: “Oh he’s looking for me? I’ll be over in a moment.” The servant was surprised by what he said as these are the words written on the note, “ May I borrow an ox?

What a thought.

An old man gave his grandson two coins and asked him to help buy some sauce and vinegar. His grandson then asked which coin is for the sauce and the vinegar? The old man replied: “Any one will do.” The boy took two bowls with him to get the stuff while the grandpa started cooking.

The grandson then asked which bowl is for the sauce and the vinegar? The old man was agitated and started to smack him.

The old man’s son walked over and asked him: “ What are you doing dad?” The old man replied: “This boy is too dense!” Then his son started slapping himself. Astonished by his action, the old man asked him what’s he doing? His son replied: “ You beat my son, so I beat yours.”

Must read this! No regrets! Ha.

There was a man at the horse racing course placing a few bets he make a loss from them. Then he noticed something perculiar at the start-line of the course. He saw a priest crossing over to the track and bless one of the horses. Then, at the end of the race, the horse which the priest blessed won. At the next race, he again saw the priest crossing over to the track and putting his hand over one of the horse to bless it.

This time, the man place a small bet on that horse. That horse won. For the next race, the priest once again crosses over to the track and bless another horse. The man immediately place all his money on that horse. At the end of the race, that horse came in last.

Being extremely baffled by it, he decided to ask the priest why? He went over to find the priest and asked: “ Father, I put all my life-savings on the horse which you just blessed but why didn’t it win like the previous races?” The priest asked him: “Are you a Catholic?” The man replied: “ Yes I am but only by birth trade.” The priest then nodded and said: “ That explains why. That’s why you can’t differentiate a simple blessing from the last rite.”

Havoc or bored?

Havoc is a real short movie. It is a show about rich teenagers being bored with their lives and they try to get excitement by doing foolish and dangerous things. They went to a street to buy drugs. Went back again to mix with the drug dealers and even want to join in their group. When the female lead realised what she had done, it might be too late as someone may be killed. To say they are bored, we can rather say they do not know how to appreciate their lives. Therefore one can conclude that having an aim or goal in life is important as it makes one not to get into boredom and foolishly regretted things that had or not been done. It can be seen from one of the characters in the movie who is making a short movie about his rich teenagers friends. In the end, he seems to be enjoying himself all the time than the rest.

The girl sobbing at the side

One evening, a guy was walking along the street and saw a girl sobbing at the side. He went over and asked why she was tearing. The girl looked at him and said: “ I was given 100 dollars to buy a gift but I have only 50 left.” He then asked her whether she had dropped it somewhere therefore she cried. She replied that she was robbed just now. To his astonishment, he told her: “Didn’t you asked for help? How can anyone do that just on the street like that with so many people around? The girl then said she did but nobody came to help.

The guy was rather surprised as he felt it was not possible not to alert anyone if she did shouted for help. He then asked her how she does it and she shouted: “ Help! Help!” It was like whispering. He then told her that she must be louder in future. “That was my loudest!” She said.

Upon hearing this, the guy took her 50 dollars from her hand and walked away quietly.

Some might think that it seems funny or such situations can be seen in comedies too. But in real life, this is definatey a terrible thing. Appearing nice and helpful but hurt others in the end by taking advantage of them. Hypocraites should start putting themselves into other shoes.

Superman Returns - Are you looking forward to it?

After 5 years of disappearance, he’s finally back to action fulfilling his duty of helping humans again. He comes in quite slowly not like his fellow comic friend, batman, who comes with a pack of punch in batman begins. Batman also comes in with the mysterious factor unlike Superman where he comes back openly as usual with nothing much we do not know more about him. Example he need not have any fanciful gadgets or go through any kind of special training to be a super hero. He is just born to be one with extraordinary powers and not afraid to let others know how he looks like.

The first rescue mission sets in when Louis Lane and other people on board gets into a critical situation when the rocket was not able to detach itself from the plane due to a jam at the locks caused by a little experiment by Lex Luther. This is where the actions started to come in and though nothing explosive or exciting like MI3, it did raise the tempo of the movie and there was a unique touch of emotion when Louis saw a flying figure and when everyone finally saw the one who saved them made this movie interesting and watchable.

I came to think about it that the elements that made superman returns a great deal is not really about the actions but just the thought of it! Someone who you can depend on, someone who is back to save the world finally returns. This brings back hope and the nostalgic moments when we first knew about someone who has such special capabilites that will help maintan a safe place for everyone to live in.

Anyway, the story then continues on with superman saving more people being featured on the news everyhere and trying to find his love back but quite difficult now as Louis is already engaged to Richard a nice guy and has a son. Lex continues to proceed with his evil plot using the enormous power generated from the crystals that belong to superman and of course part of his plot is to destroy superman using kryptalite.

Some of the interesting scenes that happened was when Clarke always appeared to be corny and pretending to be even more corny when he heard that someone was comparing him with superman which works to make people dropping the idea of associating him with the super hero. Another was the scene when how Louis’s son a very weak boy, saved his mum from one of Lex’s henchman by throwing the piano and killed him. He cured his asthmatic problem instanteously in the process too and we can also confirmed who’s the father of Louis’s son now. There was also a surprising part which is superman being admitted to the hospital, doctors trying to save him and lying in coma.

Overall, it is not the actions that one will expect that made this movie nice or the fascinations of the superhero for many has seen or know what he can do. It is just the welcome story of America’s very own mystic hero and the good play by the various characters such as Kevin Spacey as Lex and Brandon Routh as Clarke/Superman and Kate Bosworth as Louis Lane. It is enjoyable and relaxing.